The Suffering Bastard: Your Weekend Tiki Cocktail!

The Suffering Bar Steward, aka The Suffering Bastard

This gin and brandy combo dates back to World War II, when Joe Scailom invented the drink at Shepherd’s Hotel in Cairo, Egypt.

With good spirits in short supply during the war, Joe realized he needed to come up with something that the British officers could drink without being floored the next morning. So he built a drink with gin, brandy, homemade bitters made by a chemist across the street from the hotel, lime juice and ginger beer. He dubbed it ‘The Suffering Bar Steward’. The name was later changed by the officers to

The Suffering Bastard

The original recipe goes something like this:
1 oz cheap Gin
1 oz cheap Brandy
1/2 oz. bottled Lime Juice
a few dashes of homemade Bitters

Pour all ingredients except ginger beer into a glass with ice. Top with ginger beer and stir with a glass rod. Garnish with a sprig of fresh mint, a slice of orange and a cucumber peel. Ginger ale is usually substituted for the ginger beer these days, as it is easier find and has a little less of a bite. Of course, you can update the recipe with good gin, good brandy, fresh lime juice and Angostura bitters.

And don’t let anyone tell you this drink is made with rum. I’ve seen so many bastardized versions of the Suffering Bastard, that I could kill the bastard who started bastardizing it to begin with. I even found a recipe that used rum, orgeat syrup and curacao…yeah, that’s a Mai Tai, dingbat.

To get you in the WW2 mood for this drink, here’s The Andrews Sisters swingin’ The Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy. All reet, Jackson! Slip me a solid five!

-Tiki Chris reporting from a foxhole somewhere in North Africa

Who Cares About San Francisco’s Tonga Room? I do.

The Tonga Room as it is Today

The historic Tonga Room at the  Fairmont Hotel in San Francisco, one of America’s last surviving Tiki Bars from the golden age is slated for demolition to make way for - you guessed it, that dirty word - Condos. The Tiki community and a group of SF preservationists have been trying desperately to keep the owners from closing it down, but the owners (and unfortunately for people like us who would like to preserve the past) have every right to do with they want with the property, and I agree they should have that right. The owners are adamant to remove the Tonga Room from their property in order to build new hotel rooms and condos, but are willing to carefully dismantle the Tonga Room, store the artifacts and help move it to a new location. Personally, although I believe it should be preserved as-is and could be a major profitable attraction, this is probably the best compromise that can be made. It’s just a shame that developers like these owners don’t realize that places like The Tonga Room are what make an area desirable to begin with - and once it’s all gone, who cares about living in their condos?

Last month, the San Francisco Chronicle (online) published an article about the looming demise of the world-famous Tonga Room Tiki restaurant & lounge. The article, written by a staffer whose name I shall not dignify with posting here, caused an uproar of anger among the Tiki-loving community, as well as many San Franers. Why? Well to begin with, the name of the article is

“Tonga Room Execution Stayed. Does Anyone Care?”

The Tonga Room's history goes way back to the pre-war era when it was the SS Tonga

Yes, the SFWeekly Blog staffer (not even sure if he’s on the payroll) who usually writes about sports or community events wrote a number of articles slanted heavily with his opinions about the Tonga Room and its impending doom. His slant was basically that it is nothing but an out-dated dump, a tacky catastrophe that should be plowed under and forgotten as soon as possible. A blemish on the nuevo-hipster world where clubs with numbers for names and cookie-cutter upscale condos rule. A ridiculous piece of grandpa’s past, an overpriced monument to crappy kitsch that interferes with progress.

His last article, the one that asks if anyone cares, is a sarcastic, juvenile attempt to slander not just the Tonga Room but Tiki culture as a whole. Phrases like “historic preservation label slapped on postwar kitsch” and “tiki bars are relics of a bygone era” were cutting enough to enrage an entire population of preservationists and Tikiphiles…enough to foster 111 comments in just a few days, 99% of which were from people opposing his opinions.

Now, let’s take a minute to be fair. The guy has a right to his opinion. The post was on a blog, not the front page of the SF Chronicle. He has the freedom to say what he wants, just like I do here. That said, let’s also be fair by saying that even though the article is published on the SF Chronicle’s blog, it’s STILL the SF Chronicle, a reputable newspaper that is committed to publishing real news along with editorial opinion - but traditionally, those opinions are based on well-researched facts, not the ramblings of some kid who just doesn’t care - or doesn’t get it. And that is the tragedy of this article; the writer doesn’t care because he doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about.

He assumes that because he doesn’t like original Tiki bars, that no one does. He assumes that because (possibly) his circle of influence is content to drink Vodka made in France (France???) and chain-store lattes, eat overpriced food at “trendy” restaurants and brag about it, and go into debt paying for cookie-cutter foreign cars just to show off, that the rest of us do.

Over the years the SS TONGA began taking on more and more Tiki decor

He should have done his homework. He should have done a few minutes of research on the net, and he would have realized that yes, there’s a big revival of Tiki Culture, and it shows no signs of slowing down. A few keyword searches would have shown him The Mai Kai in Fort Lauderdale, still thriving even in this recession, packed to the gills with people who come just for the experience along with people who are avid regulars. He would have found Trader Vic’s and Don the Beachcomber, and their world-wide success. He would have found Otto’s Shrunken Head in Manhattan, or Taboo Cove and Frankie’s Tiki Room in Vegas, newly-constructed Tiki Bars built in the traditional way. (Taboo Cove had a great run at the Venetian. It doesn’t get ‘hipper’ than that).

This individual, like so many people today, is using his platform to push his misinformed opinions and beliefs on the rest of the world. Well, 100+ comments on his blog show that the world is pushing back. If he wanted to make the point that the owners of the Fairmont Hotel are entitled to do with they want with the property, then he could have done so in a much more responsible manner. Instead, he blurted out his opinion as if the entire city of San Fran (and basically the rest of the world) agrees with him. That’s what we professional writers call ‘bad journalism’.

By the 1960s The Tonga Room was transformed into a full-fledge Tiki Bar complete with mid-pool bandstand, hurricane bar and a real tropical storm

Now, some of you may be saying to yourselves, “Hey Tiki Chris, ain’t you just blurtin’ out your opinions here? Ain’t that, like, the same gig?” Well, it’s a little different here, kids. First of all, this is a site for people who love Tiki, not a newspaper’s blog. Second, I’m not saying anything here that’s not based on fact. Millions of people enjoy Tiki bars around the world. Many of them would be sad to see our history pushed away to make room for condos. The owners of the Fairmont do have the right to plow it down, if they want. And the guy who wrote the article doesn’t seem to think anyone in the world likes Tiki Bars anymore, and that they should all be forgotten and turned into TGI Friday’s. Well, ok, I made up the TGI Friday’s, but it gets the point across.

Can the Tonga Room be saved? Of course. Should it? Absolutely. Should the owners of the Fairmont Hotel included the Tonga Room in their renovation plans, and market it as a world-class attraction? Damn straight. But they haven’t, and they won’t. Hopefully the investors who’ve taken an interest in moving the room will be successful. Hopefully this piece of history and architectural wonder will be spared the wrecking ball and preserved for generations to rediscover and enjoy. Perhaps the kid who wrote that goofy article will learn a lesson from the comments.

Comments welcome.

(This article assumes the reader has already read up on the impeding closing of the Tonga Room in San Fransisco. If not, just Google it (Tonga Room news) and you’ll see all there is to know about the topic)

-Tiki Chris P, a little steamed, reporting from the newsroom at Tiki Lounge Talk, the Tiki Blog for people who believe in preserving our past and enjoying it to the fullest.

A Final Note: Last year, the Sheraton corporation decided to renovate one of Fort Lauderdale’s most famous landmarks, The Yankee Clipper Hotel. This seaside hotel, built in the 1950s, looks like a cruise ship moored at the beach. But it’s not only famous for its unique outer look, but for its lobby bar - called The Wreck Bar, this kitschy-fun lounge looks like the inside of a sunken ship. But what makes it truly unique is the portals that look out into the hotel’s pool, where people sitting at the bar can watch swimmers go by. For years this has been the site of the world-famous Mermaid show, where beautiful women with Mermaid tails swim by doing water acrobatics. When the plans to renovate were announced, everyone assumed this mega corporation would remove the Wreck Bar and replace it with a modern, more trendy and dull lobby bar. Well to everyone’s surprise and to the Sheraton’s credit, they restored the bar to its original glory, not changing a thing except the rugs and the upholstery. The Wreck Bar fits into the hotel’s new decor perfectly, and Marina the Fire Eating Mermaid and her pod of beauties swim their show to a packed house every Friday Night, year round. A true success story about blending the old with the new. Maybe the owners of the Fairmont need to take a trip to South Florida, huh?

Mod (Retro) Movie Monday: Speed Racer, 2008. Wait, what?

2008? Ain’t that too new to be played at the Tiki Bar?

Well kids, this flick is actually bursting with nostalgia, retro-ness, and mod-a-ramic moods. It’s not just a kid’s flick based on the cartoon we all loved once upon a time - it’s a sort of a time capsule, throwing period stuff at us that will have you saying, “I remember that! We had one of those!” Here’s

Speed Racer, 2008

Let’s start, of course, with the car. A full-scale, drivable model of the original Mach 5 from the cartoon is featured in scene after scene. It’s unbelievable. It even has the push-buttons in the steering wheel, and the shark fins on the back fenders. Then there’s Speed’s family’s house. A cartoon-stylized mid-century modern-palooza, the interior of the house crams in everything from big flower patterns to bamboo to star clocks and bright, mod colors. And the outside - well, it looks like it would be on a 1950’s Plasticville train platform, for real. It’s a dream house for kats like us.

Tell me you wouldn't live here if you could?

Then there are the race tracks that Speed Racer flies around on. It didn’t take me long to realize these CGI tracks and cars are, in fact, based on the slotless slot-car tracks from the late 70s-80s (also incorporated into the video game).  You remember, the ones where you could cross lanes and knock other cars off the track…yeah, the do that in the movie.

The clothes are kind of kookie too, reminding me of the Roaring 20’s revival of the late 60s-early 70s (I still have a few suits from that era that belonged to my Uncle in Philly). Sure, the movie is all CGI backgrounds and most was filmed on a green screen, but let me tell you the effect is A-OK.

I always wanted a Mach 5. Maybe I'll build one myself.

But what about the movie? Is it any good? Well, that’s going to have to be for you to decide. I dug it, a lot. To see that car and those characters come to life was enough for me. I don’t even know if the acting and writing was any good or not, honestly. The visuals had me from the minute it started. The visuals, and the theme song, of course. Some people dig it. Some think it’s stupid. Some think it’s ok. Whatever, it’s worth $3 to rent it just to see that car come to life.

Food & Booze: There is a big to-do about pancakes, and of course Spridel & Chim Chim eat as much candy as they can get their hands on. So pancakes and candy for dinner. No? Hmmm. Well, since the original cartoon was from Japan, how about some Japanese food? You’re right, I don’t eat sushi. Ok, then let’s go with something sort of in between. A California Salad with bright, red cherry tomatoes and yellow peppers, chicken satay over white rice, and blueberry pie for dessert. At least the colors will match the movie. For booze - How about a

Mach 5 Shooter

1/2 oz. 151 Proof Rum
1/2 oz. Crown Royal
1/2 oz. Goldschlager
1/2 oz. Jagermeister
1/2 oz. RumpleMinze

Layer and drink it down fast. This doesn’t sound like the tastiest drink, but I’ll bet it will knock you on your ass faster than five times the speed of sound!

One more thing: I think Racer X might secretly be Speed Racer’s older brother. But I’m not sure. Maybe you can solve the mystery.

-Tiki Chris P reporting from the garage next to the Tiki Bar at Tiki Lounge Talk, the swingin’ pad for mod-men and kookie kitties.

Hey! Since you’ve come this far, here’s a couple’a video for you…

The Movie Trailer…

And the original opening from the Cartoon…

Your Friday Tiki Bar Cocktail: The Stars & Stripes

The Stars & Stripes Cocktail At Fabulous-Cocktail-Recipes.com

Since yesterday was Veterans Day, I thought it would be kool beans to do a little patriotic concoction this week. Now, I haven’t tried this cocktail yet, but it looks good and seems like it would be pretty tasty if you like your drinks sweet, so here’s

The Stars & Stripes Cocktail

for your weekend Tiki Bar pleasure.

I found this recipe on Fabulous Cocktail Recipes, a fun site with a retro-cocktail party feel. Check them out!

“Start with shot glass and pour 1/2 oz of Grenadine for the bottom layer. Using a bar spoon, float 1/2 oz of Blue Curacao for the middle layer. Wipe down the spoon and then use it to float 1/2 oz of Heavy Cream for the top layer. Sing the Star Spangled Banner and serve!” (Click here to see the actual post on Fabulous Cocktail Recipes).

Of course I can’t leave well enough alone, and had to turn it into a Tiki Drink!

-Tiki Chris P. reporting from the Tiki Bar at Tiki Lounge Talk, the Tiki Blog For Tiki Fans. (Wow, that’s a lot of Tiki!)

Plan 9 from Outer Space, 1958 and Ed Wood, 1994 for Mod Movie Monday’s Creature Double Feature

It’s Halloweekend at the Tiki Bar! From one of the worst directors to one of the best, on this week’s Mod Movie Monday we’ll look at two kats who changed the way we look at movies forever.

Let’s start with our favorite bad director, Ed Wood, Jr. Ed brought us some of the most poorly written, directed and produced films of all kind, with the zenith (or basement) of his work being Plan 9 from Outer Space. I feel bad for this kid. He just wanted to make movies that people would enjoy. Unfortunately for him, nobody really dug his stuff until years after his alcohol-soaked death. Now, we can love these lowest-budget flicks for what they are: So incredibly bad they are great. Fun to watch, fun to make fun of, fun to imagine yourself on the set 50+ years ago as walls shook and gravestones fell over.

Plan 9 is actually an interesting premise. Originally entitled “Grave Robbers from Outer Space”, the title was deemed too gory for the film’s religious backers. So it’s about space aliens who come to earth and resurrect dead people to do stuff like slowly walk into people, killing them. Or something. Actually, I’ve seen this movie several times and I’m still not sure what it’s about. Maybe because I can’t get through it sober.

Ed Wood extensively used free, stock footage to fill in the holes in his films. Scenes of cattle stampeding, WWII footage, and people walking around get spliced in at the strangest places. Add Bela Lugosi, who died during filming, Tor Johnson and Vampira to the cast. Then add in a stand-in for Bela, a guy who had the same shaped head, skulking around with a cape over his face for the rest of the flick. Tin pie plates on strings attacking California. Car chases where the cars change to different models when showed in different angles. A shower curtain in the cockpit. Are you confused? Wait’ll ya see the movie.

But it’s fun to watch, for certain. So much fun that one of Hollywood’s top weirdos, Tim Burton, made a film about Ed Wood, Jr. and his repertoire of canned junk. Shot in black and white and starring Johnny Depp (of course), Ed Wood is a thousand times better-made movie than any of Wood’s movies ever were. Martin Landau steals the show with his Bela Lugosi character. Vampira looks and acts like the original Vampira. And Ed Wood is so goofy, so much fun you have to wonder if he was really like that, or if that’s how Burton envisions how he must have been.

Either of these films is great on its own. Back to back, they’re a riot. And speaking of Bella Lugosi…

Dracula, 1931

Turn this duet into a trio this Halloweekend with one of the movies that started it all, the original Bela Lugosi Dracula from 1931. Still scary and creepy today as it was 70 years ago, no vintage-style ‘ween is complete without this master of horror flicks.

Your Halloweekend Drinks!

So here’s a few drink ideas for Hallowe’en Weekend, to sip with your movies or push at your party…

Vampire’s Blood Martini

1.5 oz Russian Vodka
1 oz orange juice
1 oz  cranberry juice
1 small scoop raspberry sorbet
seltzer

Shake vodka, OJ, & cranberry in shaker with ice until well chilled. Strain into a large martini glass, add a small (about a teaspoon) scoop of sorbet and top with seltzer. You can add a few drops of red food coloring to make it really bloody.

The Zombie (Frozen)

There are a few variations on the Zombie Cocktail. This one, close to the old version but frozen, is probably my favorite:

1/2 oz 151 rum
1 oz pineapple juice
1 oz orange juice
1/2 oz apricot brandy
1 tsp sugar
2 oz light rum
1 oz dark rum
1 oz lime juice

Blend all ingredients with ice except the 15. Pour it into a tall Tiki mug and flloat the 151 rum on top. Garnish with a fruit slice, sprig of mint, and a cherry. To give it a real kick, add a few sprinkles of cayenne pepper into the mix. Yow!

The Michael Myers Halloween Cocktail

Yep, made this one up at the Tiki Bar. Not really an exotic drink, as there’s no rum, but it’s strong and will probably tear your guts out, so…

2 oz Jack Daniels (or Jim Beam, which will be a little sweeter)
1 oz Goldschlager or Cinnamon Schnapps
1/2 Orange Curacau
1/4 teaspoon Nutmeg
2-3 drops Bitters (optional)
Apple and pumpkin, chopped into small cubes
Cinnamon stick

This can be served over the rocks, or warmed up in a mug. Stir all ingredients together. float small cubes of apple and pumpkin on top and garnish with a cinnamon stick stirrer. Like I said, strong as hell but krazy fun!

Well kids, that’s all for this week. I know I haven’t posted much lately (This is my busiest time of year) and probably won’t get to another post until Monday, so Happy Hallowe’en to you kool ghouls!

-Tiki Chris P, in ghost form floating around Haunted Tiki Island Resort. Reporting for Tiki Lounge Talk, the Tiki Culture Tiki Blog for retro lovers and Tikiphiles all over the world.